The Secret Diary of a Collie by Luli aged 13 and ¾.

Lovely Collie Luli was rehomed 11 months ago to a wonderful home and loves to regale us with what she is up to in her new home. Here is one of the snippets from her diary.


“She deliberately slept in this morning which meant that one was urgently in need of going out. After dithering around drinking that brown stuff she is so devoted to she finally decided to get moving. I sensed trouble when she started putting on that noisy thing that covers everything and is like walking alongside a washing machine and sure enough when she opened the door everything was soaking and more was still coming down. I did give her my most withering look but she hurried me out into the vileness that was going to make my hair frizz. I sometimes wonder how these people managed before I came along to organise them.

Demonstrating the pride of my breed I ploughed out into the elements taking good care to do the classic Collie Weave immediately in front of her to ensure she knew where we were going and to control her speed. Clearly if she is going to wear the washing machine garment and those frankly disastrous pink rubber things on her feet, she cannot be relied upon to navigate herself and more importantly me safely to the park. Having successfully guided her despite increasingly rude comments from her about my beautiful Collie Weave and spurious accusations of me trying to trip her up (she still hasn’t grasped the effectiveness of the speed control) we finally arrived at my destination.
Now, as we all know the selection on a perfect place to poo is a delicate and vital part of one’s morning and it is not enhanced by comments such as ‘come on old lady, I am drowning here’ whilst she brandishes a green bag with which she scoops up my carefully placed poo thereby negating the science of marking one’s territory. I was therefore obliged to have seven leisurely wees to compensate for her error and to ensure that that toe rag of a Jack Russell knew that I had got there first this morning.

Having completed my route around the park and safely reached the road and the place where we cross there arose more negligent behaviour on her part. I have taught her very carefully that one crosses the road when the post beeps. It took me some time to ensure she had grasped this basic piece of road safety so I was disappointed that today it all went out of the window just because it was wet and according to her she needed yet more brown stuff to drink. She only tried to cross without the beeps people! I sat absolutely still and refused to put my life in her hands whilst she was in such a reckless mood. The look I gave her, I am certain conveyed the irrelevance of there being no traffic. I know that when she comments that I am OCD she is referring to my sublime grasp of how things need to be done and that the ‘C’ stands for Collie and the ‘D’ stands for divine or delectable or perhaps delicious but sometimes the tone she uses makes one think that she THINKS it means something else and as a result I was obliged to impose even more rigorous speed control as we crossed the road to make a point.

Finally we reached home and she towelled me down to my satisfaction…thank you Aunty Deb for my new towel….. she got her cup of brown stuff and I am off for a kip.

A trying morning”